The Black barber shop is a cultural staple in neighborhoods across America and abroad. Everything is discussed from sports to politics. I think I’ve become more conscious of barber shop discourse now since I have children. The barbers and some of the clients erupted into laughter as one barber said he watched another man eat a hotdog. I’m thinking to myself what’s wrong with eating a hotdog. But it wasn’t just a hotdog, the problem was any food that was rod-shaped and resembled a penis. As the conversation progressed, hotdogs, popsicles, and even bananas are off limits for men these days. If you are a man and eat these items other men may think you are gay. This is toxic masculinity. When did food become weirdly sexualized? On the way home, one of my son’s asked me, “what’s a glizzy?” His question was based on what he heard in the barber shop.
On another occasion, a major conversation about cars started to unfold. According to this group of men, a Toyota Prius is not a manly car. I laughed in my seat, since I drive a Prius. I have received backhanded comments from multiple people about my Prius and none of these people contribute anything to my life–kick rocks and eat dirt. My car is clean, its get’s me from point A to point B, it’s paid off, my children’s bellies are full, their drawers and closets are full of clothes, my bills are paid, my credit is excellent, and there is no eviction notice on my door. Society’s view of success is questionable. Society does not praise Black fathers for taking care of their family. You are only praised for material things. If I rode a bicycle every day, I could care less about the external noise of society. Since then, I’ve found a much better barber shop to take my $110, my sons, and Prius to. The atmosphere is professional and the barbers are awesome.
Toxic masculinity doesn’t mean masculinity itself is bad. It refers to harmful expectations about being a man. I’m not a perfect man, but I show up where I am needed. I may show up in a Prius, but I’m present. Not every household have both parents present. Some children don’t even know who their parents are. I count every inch of my life as a privilege and a blessing. I’m not a perfect man, but I’m a better man than I was yesterday.
